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The Sun Will Be Up Soon by *ifimissed:iconifimissed:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Narrative > Spoken Word


The sun will be up soon and these sheets are still cold.  I open the window to see the clouds break and part for the oncoming sun.  My eyelids cling to my eyes as I've just blinked another night away.

The sun will be up soon and as yesterday, my bed is still made.  I sit in this chair to see and to hear the clock tick and tock for the upcoming days.  My eyelids cling to my eyes as I've just blinked another night away.

The sun will be up soon and I can't stand to spend another day as a glazed, impaired life with nothing good to do.  With the same jobs and endless offenses, sleepless nights and average objectives, I'll spoon out my eyes and cut off the lids before I let myself blink again.

The sun will be up soon, but this time I've got you fooled.  My bed is still made and this room is now silent.  My eyes are still open, but they view something different.

All this time, I've been living my dreams.
©2009 *ifimissed
:iconifimissed:

Author's Comments

#30 of the X Collection - Orange. One morning I woke up (after a pretty rough night) and began instantly writing this. It just flowed right out from my hand to the paper. I guess it stands true to my position in life as of right now.



ps. I actually like this one.

Critiques


:iconcyantre:
`Cyantre Jul 12, 2009, 6:22:15 PM
This is an interesting piece of writing, with a clever twist at the end. I don't believe it is the most original idea, but it certainly isn't the most cliché either.

The imagery is good and you describe your setting well, which lets the reader visualize a scene while they read this piece. Very well done there.

Repeating the same sentence can be a hit or miss technique, though in this instance it works well.

The scenario of flipping the dreaming and waking world is certainly a creative literary technique to use. If you were to work on this piece further I would expand on that, and perhaps end the piece with a bit more creativity, instead of being bluntly descriptive.

Hope that helps. Keep on writing. Inspiration can at times come quickly, and it is good you wrote your thoughts down right away.
The Artist thought this was FAIR
13 out of 13 deviants thought this was fair.
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:iconmazzi10:
~Mazzi10 Jul 13, 2009, 7:27:05 AM
Very cool. It made me shiver, a bit. :D

--
I HAS MOVED.

:icontheankylosaurus:
:iconvex0r:
*Vex0r Jul 13, 2009, 1:58:40 PM
I like this one also. I keep a notebook by my bed these days for that exact reason. The brain clearly thinks for you while you're asleep.

Freaky.

--
Embrace this moment. Remember: we are eternal. All this pain is an illusion.
:iconhooked-on-candycanes:
~Hooked-On-Candycanes Jul 13, 2009, 2:44:22 PM
Breathtaking. What a truely mangificent piece of artwork you've woven here. The entirety makes my heart so heavy with...something. Not sure the feeling. This is why I read and write. Because of art like this. Beautiful, chilling and awesome. Fantastic work.

HOC

--
Nothing will change if it stays the same ~ Me
:iconifimissed:
*ifimissed Jul 13, 2009, 5:49:54 PM
:D thanks for reading/commenting/enjoying.
:iconifimissed:
*ifimissed Jul 13, 2009, 5:51:11 PM
Indeed it does. I rarely remember dreams, but I suppose as along as I get something creative from sleeping its not a big deal. Thanks you, as always, for reading.
:iconifimissed:
*ifimissed Jul 13, 2009, 5:53:01 PM
oh wow, I am sooo glad (and slightly surprised) to hear that something I wrote can affect someone like that. Good to hear for sure. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. :D
:iconabbystabbedme:
*abbystabbedme Jul 25, 2009, 10:32:38 PM
Blinking another night away. I'm assuming you suffered sleepless nights then...The bed's still made....oh, haha. I should have read furthe "sleepless nights" oops.

If you had been living your dreams, would the monotony truly exist? Unless you mean you're living in your sleep. In which case, everything's different.

I like this one.
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